I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
