Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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