This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
