I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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