she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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