Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
