i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
