youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
