You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Dear god my vagina.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
