Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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