Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
