This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
