cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You ruined the universe
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize