hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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