a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
