id be glad to
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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