k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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