If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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