Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
