I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
