I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
