Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
