i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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