You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
