I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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