im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
