I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
