Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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