Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
you had me at cake vodka
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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