I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
