I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
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