Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
