ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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