It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
