Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
