I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
