I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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