there was a trapeze. enough said
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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