you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
