Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
