remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
