so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
