The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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