That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Floor bacon is actually really good
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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