he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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