I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize