Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Randomize
