hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
