That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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