only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize