WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
