Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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