It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
