The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
