Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
