blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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