Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
