Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
