Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
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