what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
