We're facebook friends in real life
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
