Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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