is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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