take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
