I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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