I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
