He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
