my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
