im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
