Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I think my moral compass just broke
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