look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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